Ajumble

So, yeah. My sister so lovingly pointed out in her comment on my last post that my last couple of posts have been lacking. Sorry.

I have had a lot on my mind this week, but I feel like if I start writing even though my thoughts are ajumble [like that? I think I made that up--"ajumble": adj.], a takeaway might emerge, so here goes:

First, Mary Bullock has been a challenge this week. And I don't say that as a whine, but just as a fact. There has been a lot of unexplained crying, some temper tantrums [she has mastered the jelly maneuver in which Mommy cannot pick me up if I just go completely limp in the middle of Target/Publix/the front yard, etc.], and some very short naps, which of course exacerbates all other problems.  As Lee left for work yesterday morning, he actually backed out the door and said, "Yeah. Good luck with that!" And that was only 8:30am.

So I have had that on my mind. The next 18 years loom large in the face of one willful 13 month old. And all of my friends with older children scoff: just you wait. Am I up for this challenge? I've never raised a human being before. The don't come with instruction manuals, you know. Kinda scary.

And then, Jen [hi Jen!] has been struggling lately with a few things, and I don't know if it's like this for all siblings or maybe it's especially like this for twins, but when she struggles, I struggle.  And it's especially hard to live so far away and to feel powerless to help.

But anyway, I'm sure [if you're still reading] you're thinking: what does any of this have to do with anything? [See? Ajumble.]

But I'm compelled to tell you about this book I've been reading called The Power of A Positive Mom. I've connected so much with this book [uh--there is a whole section on worrying. The dedication may as well have read: For Suzanne.]. I'll skip the synopsis, and just give you the goods that helped me yesterday:

"This is what the Lord says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.'" [2 Corinthians 20:15]

And if you know me at all, now you are checking the url to see if you stumbled on the wrong page. Then you are saying to yourself: Self? Did Suz just quote scripture?

I did. I did do that.

And this is what I'm telling you has been going on in my life. Some days there are Birthday Things that don't translate well to a picture or even a wittily worded coffee mug that can be purchased on Etsy. Knowing that the resolutions to all the world's various problems, and even the resolutions to my own problems are not up to me? That's a Birthday Thing. 

I did spend a lot of yesterday searching for something to communicate that to you, but I clearly failed on that attempt. Hopefully words worked better. [If you are still reading.]